The first, and perhaps only, presidential debate between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris aired on every major network and cable news channel. It actually should have been on ESPN.
That's because the evening felt more like a gripping boxing match than a debate, the best since the Manila Thrilla. And there's no reason to guess who looked like Muhammad Ali and who looked like Joe Frazier.
Yes, Harris floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee. Her extensive preparations for the evening clearly paid off as she swayed and swayed while Trump continued to throw wild uppercuts and nearly fall off the mats. Oh, and by the way, did you know that illegal immigrants are coming into the country by the millions, straight from mental institutions and asylums? And that the crime rate in Venezuela is in steep decline?
I bring up the last points because Trump has done so. Repeatedly. If asked about abortion, he talked about illegal immigrants. If asked about January 6th, he talked about illegal immigrants. If asked about the Russia/Ukraine war, he talked about illegal immigrants. He probably talks about illegal immigrants when waiters at Mar-a-Lago ask him what to order for dinner.
It took a while for the evening to really get off the ground, as Trump seemed to display unusual restraint at first. He didn’t speak out of turn (obviously, having his microphones muted helped in that regard) and he didn’t fidget, just rolling his eyes so often they looked like they were popping out of their sockets. He was clearly heeding his advisers’ warnings about taking the bait. In fact, he didn’t even look at Harris. Not once. He barely looked at her when she sauntered up to him earlier in the evening and introduced herself (nice touch). His not looking at her seemed disciplined at first. But the longer it went on, the creepier it got.
But Harris looked. Boy, did he look. He did nothing. But watch Trump give his often nonsensical answers. His facial expressions were the stuff memes are made of. Sometimes she looked amused. Other times she looked disgusted but unable to look away. She always seemed laser-focused, which, as we were sadly reminded in the last presidential debate, is definitely an asset in a candidate.
Trump has racked up far more speaking time than Harris, and she seemed entirely comfortable with that. Why wouldn't she, when the man in front of her who wants to once again be the leader of the free world was screaming, “They're eating dogs! Eating cats!”? Or when he yelled, “They're taking over cities!” as if he were auditioning for a Invasion of the Body Snatchers remake?
Moderators David Muir and Linsey Davis did an extremely professional job, which is more than can be said for either of the debaters. They actually performed the simple act known as (horror!) fact-checking. Like when, after Trump claimed that Harris’s running mate Tim Walz was okay with executing children, Davis immediately slammed him. As she should have done. Walz seems far too nice for that.
Harris continued to needle her opponent, knowing exactly when and where to strike. She threw in her signature catchphrases and familiar lines, saying his military leaders considered him a “disgrace” and world leaders laughed at him. Trump defended himself by citing Viktor Orban as a big fan, referring to the Hungarian leader, not ironically, as a “strongman.” (It was a miracle he didn’t take the opportunity to tell Vladimir Putin to “stand back and stand your ground.”)
“Donald Trump has been fired by 81 million people. He is clearly having a terrible time processing this,” Harris announced, as steam slowly began to rise from Trump’s head.
But it was when he challenged Trump's rallies, saying that attendees were leaving early because they were bored, that you could really see Trump losing his mind like David Banner turning into the Hulk. I mean, you can say whatever you want about his kids. But not about his rallies!
“I’m a different person,” Trump responded to one question, as people watching around the world burst into laughter. When Harris brought up the 2025 Project, he stammered, “I haven’t read it. I don’t want to read it.” Which was perhaps the most believable thing he said all night.
Oh, and by the way, did you know that illegal immigrants are coming into the country by the millions, straight from mental institutions and asylums? And that crime rates in Venezuela are dropping? (Sorry, I've heard this so many times I'm starting to repeat it. Which, come to think of it, is exactly how propaganda works.)
Muir asked Trump about the recent election, citing Trump's recent comments in which he seemed to admit defeat. “He said it sarcastically, you know,” Trump responded, clearly upset that the moderator from Central Casting had misunderstood him so badly.
“I watched all three videos, I didn't notice the sarcasm,” Muir said coolly. The TV subtitles might as well have read “Oh, man!”
Trump has occasionally addressed Harris directly, mostly to call her a liar. Or to say, when she interrupts, “I'm talking now. Does that sound familiar?” as if he were proud of having memorized her line. At another point he ordered, “Quiet, please,” which should have been immediately followed by a commercial for women's blood pressure medication.
People dissatisfied with their subsidized health insurance will be happy to hear that Trump has a plan to replace it. Well, not really. “I have ideas of a plan,” he explained, which could have been said of his entire presidency.
Trump kept bringing up Joe Biden, insulting his former nemesis as if he had forgotten what debate he was in. When Harris informed him that he was actually running against her, Trump looked very sad.
Probably the big news from the debate was that Trump refused to say he would veto the national abortion ban or whether or not he wanted Ukraine to win the war. But that’s not what most people will talk about. They’ll talk about the fact that the contest is between a very tired-looking old man who kept yelling at the camera and a much more vigorous younger woman who never lost her cool. The longer the debate went on, the more I felt the joy that people were talking about.