Jimmy Kimmel made his “closing argument” ahead of the 2024 election on his ABC late-night show of the same name on Monday.
In it, delivered at the end of his monologue on Monday, he urged viewers to “move on already” from Donald Trump, who he likened to a “cancerous polyp” on “our collective national colon.”
By telling people to vote, Kimmel painted a picture of a future in which the Republican presidential candidate would no longer dominate the news cycle.
“Forget which side you're on. I want you to take a moment to imagine a world where you wake up in the morning, check the news, and no one says the words 'Donald Duck' or 'Trump,'” he said. “Just a bunch of normal, boring stuff. Wouldn't that be nice? No signs on the lawn. No red hats. Don't argue with your grandfather. You control the sports, Al Roker takes care of the weather, you go to work and go.
Previously, the Jimmy Kimmel Live! the host recapped memorable moments from the Trump and Harris campaigns over the weekend and, much like his fellow late-night hosts Seth Meyers and Stephen Colbert, lamented how close polls show that “no one knows anything!”
While Kimmel acknowledged that, just like pollsters, he doesn't “know anything,” he said that “Team Harris appears to have momentum” in the weekend before Election Day.
Noting how Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill and Dick Cheney have all expressed their support for Harris, Kimmel quipped, “Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Darth Vader: That's one hell of a rebel alliance.”
As for Trump, Kimmel singled out some pivotal moments from a weekend of demonstrations, including the former president talking about having guns drawn on Liz Cheney, who “shouldn't have left” office after losing the election of 2020, saying he should not have left office in the polls. This should be illegal and, talking about bulletproof glass during his rallies after the attack on him in July, he doesn't care if people shoot through the media.
Kimmel also highlighted “bombshell audio,” posted by The daily beastin which Jeffrey Epstein, speaking to Michael Wolff, claims to have been Trump's “closest friend for 10 years”.
Beyond that, Kimmel summarized: “Epstein said Trump told him he likes to have sex with his best friends' wives. So much so that Epstein described Trump as lacking a moral compass. Do you know what kind of thug you have to be for Jeffrey Epstein to claim he has no morals? It's like R. Kelly getting mad at you for leaving the toilet seat up.
And Kimmel was shocked that the audio didn't make more news.
“This barely moves the needle,” Kimmel said. “Remember that Mitt Romney fell because he had a dog carrier on the roof of his car? We just got hundreds of hours of Jeffrey Epstein saying he and Trump were best friends. I didn't even get an alert about it on my phone. I haven't received any messages about it.”
Kimmel had previously compared the anxiety of finding out who the next president would be to “waiting to get the results of a biopsy.”
In polls, Kimmel said: “There are only two choices. You have a 50% chance of being right. It's not like you picked the Trifecta in the Belmont Stakes. There is no magic involved. It's heads or tails. Eventually, the pollsters who were wrong will quietly disappear – the others will say, 'I told you, the 1%!' What did you tell us? You called 800 losers who didn't have the sense not to answer an unknown call. That's all you did.”
Later, he added: “We know nothing. But let these polls decide whether we feel like throwing up or not. It's stupid. We are stupid. And after tomorrow we will find out exactly how stupid we are!”